I am so lucky that I picked an amazing man to enter into this journey with, but that doesn’t mean that we haven’t been without our struggles and hard times. We are still newbies to this marriage thing, at only 6 years in, so we are still always learning. And so I am always grateful when other women in my life offer advice. I want to share something my mom challenged me to ask my husband a few weeks ago. WE have had general talks like this in the past, but, I wish we had come straight out and asked each other this a few years ago. I simply asked Julio what his top 3 are. Out of all the things in life, big or small, what 3 were the most important for me to put my energy towards.
Number one for him was *alone time*. WE are all adults here so I am pretty sure we all know what that translates into. It was good for me to have a reminder of just how important that is to my husband. His primary love language is really quality time and physical touch, and that is so easy to loose site of in the first year of a new baby in the house. Having him come straight out and tell me this has inspired me to make more of an effort to squeeze time in for him whenever and however I can.
Number two was me taking time to take care of my children and doing fun things with them. I loved that this made the list for him, I am so glad that he values this over a lot of other things, since it is so important to me. And it was one of those “awwww” moments, where I was reminded what a great dad he is! It also made me feel like I am not cheating him when I choose the kids over housework, since that is more important for him anyways.
Number three was cooking for him. This is an area that I have been not really excelling at since we moved into our apartment, and it was good to have a reminder to step it up in this department. It is really an act of love in our marriage to shop, prep and serve a good dinner, and I need to look at it this way. Not just a daily chore but a little way to let my husband know that I love him and appreciate all he does for us.
When he asked me a few days later what my top 3 were, I was surprised at how hard it was to figure out what I really rated as top importance. But what I came up with was Quality time (time to talk and connect with nothing else distracting us), being an involved father and providing for our family. Now, he already does really great with these most of the times, but it has been fun to watch him step up in little ways since we had the conversation. Think foot rubs, family game nights and lots of overtime… well ok he always did the overtime, I just think of it as more of an act of love now.
It was really an eye opening exercise and now we joke about these being our “core values” (Alaska/Horizon peeps, you know what I am talking about). But I feel like it was a question that should be asked in every relationship, pre-marriage and every year or so thereafter. I am sure our answers will change throughout the years, and I hope we keep reevaluating as we go along.
I dare you to ask your spouse tonight, to give you his or her top 3, and see what it does for your marriage.
This post of one of the topics in my year long gratitude challenge, read about it here.