A time in which you spend weeks prepping and packing, than travel multiple hours by car, planes and buses with whiny kids. Once you arrive at your destination it usually involves cramming too many people into a small room and seeing how well your kids handle way to much sugar and not near enough sleep. After a certain period of time you return home, more exhausted than when you left, but yet already dreaming of the next one.
“I really need a vacation from my vacation!”
A place of escape for stressed out moms. It usually involves music cranked loud enough that the world outside the bathroom ceases to exist. Also is usually combined with the activities of comfort eating, crying, sleeping, reading, watching television, or anything that is more enjoyable alone.
“I need a bath, a tub of Ben and Jerrys and a fully charged Kindle, stat!”
A condition in which a mom decides to do something with all her children by herself. Examples would be Winco on a Saturday, Costco on a holiday week, or a sit down restaurant at any time, any where.
“I don’t know why I braved the mall the Saturday before Christmas, I can only blame it on a slight case of temporary insanity!”
[ka-feen, kaf-een, kaf-ee-in]
The lifeblood of mothers everywhere. This may come in the form of coffee, tea, soda, or on those really bad days – Rockstars. Stepping between a sleep deprived mom and her caffeinated beverage is not advisable.
“Give me caffeine…lots and lots of sweet and powerful Caffeine.”
An elusive state of being that parents spend years trying to attain whenever possible. They may attempt to get this on the couch, in the car, on the toilet, in the bath tub or shower. It is usually interrupted by a minimum of one of their children, at 5 – 10 minute intervals, until they give up and pour another cup of coffee.
“I am not sleeping I am just resting my eyes!”
[noun, adjective roh-mans, roh-mans; verb roh-mans]
When your spouse decides to really seduce you and does the dishes and puts the kids to bed too. If you are really lucky this may include his running you a bath and letting you lock the bathroom door while you take it. You know he is probably doing this with hope of repayment later but yet you have never loved him more. If he is really in a romantic state of mine he might also throw in a shoulder or foot rub and a fountain pop.
“My husband is the king of romance. He can wash dishes and bounce screaming babies with the best of them.”
[noun pur-fyoom, per-fyoom; verb per-fyoom, pur-fyoom]
A pleasant smelling substance used to cover up the smells of sour breast milk, baby spit up and poop. In a jam this can be used in conjunction with dry shampoo and/or a ponytail to avoid a shower all together
“Well the kids are all dressed, ready and adorable but I am out of time. Looks like its a perfume and ponytail kind of day for mommy.”
A substitute for actual punishment on those days where you just don’t have energy for the real thing. These are usually quickly escalating and quite often totally unrealistic. Very ineffective, but still for whatever reason, the most commonly used weapon in a parents arsenal.
“Don’t make me threaten you again. Ok, too late mister, you just went from being grounded for one week to never having another holiday or birthday for as long as you live! ”
A state of quietness and stillness in the house. It starts off as being extremely enjoyable for parents but usually ends in a flooded bathroom or a sibling duct taped to the wall.
“This silence can only mean one thing, Girls what did you do now?!?”