When you know this baby is your last - Chocolate Glazed Life

When you know this baby is your last

When you know this baby is your last thoughts on being done with children tying your tubes with tubal ligation

As most of you know, with my last c section I made the very difficult decision to have my tubes tied. I know to a lot of people this doesn’t seem like a big deal, after all I have 3 healthy babies, shouldn’t that be enough? But, when you feel as if the decision was made for you, it can be a difficult thing to process. I was talking to a friend in the same boat recently about how taboo of a topic this can be, and how much we are both experiencing such similar things. I decided to share my thoughts on it to hopefully let anyone else dealing with the same to know they are not alone. 

When you know this baby is the last…
You might need some time to grieve, what you thought you would be. 
And you might feel guilty for grieving when you are already so blessed
You will hug that baby closer
You will breathe in his smell
You will bring him in bed more often just to watch him sleep
And probably spoil him rotten whenever you can

When you know this baby is the last…
You might tear up a little at very odd moments
Like when your baby stares into your eyes
Or you realize you will never take another pregnancy test
 Maybe it will be when you decide to sell the newborn clothes
Or when you walk into the hospital labor and delivery floor to visit a friend

When you know this baby is the last…
You might try to distract yourself from thinking about it
By dreaming of home improvements or building new houses
Or by looking into current adoption laws, or even looking for a new job
Anything besides thinking about the fact that in 5 years, all your babies might be at school

When you know this baby is the last…
You will realize that every first, is your last first
The last time you will watch your baby smile for the first time
The last time you will hear your baby giggle for the first time
The last time you will get to see him learn to walk and talk for the first time
And you might panic each month as he gets a little older, knowing your last baby soon won’t be a baby anymore

When you know this baby is the last..
You will try not to be jealous of people who pop out kids like its no big deal 
 Or people who have the naive impression they control how many kids they have

When you know this baby is your last…
You will realize that this is the last time you will experience the challenging first year
The last time you will wake up 7 times a night
The last time you will struggle with baby weight
The last time you will breastfeed
The last time your house will go to heck around you while you snuggle a baby
And you will take a deep breath and remind yourself to enjoy it

And so When you know this baby is your last…
You will thank God you got the chance to be called mommy
You will savor every beautiful moment and laugh at the hard ones.
You will remind yourself to not let the sadness over what could have been, overshadow the joy of what is. 
And you might just pray that somehow, someway, maybe this won’t be your last baby after all.
Maybe somewhere right now, another woman is bringing your baby into the world
And that somehow, somewhere God will bring that child to you. 
To love, to adopt, to embrace
And if not you pray for grace to celebrate what you have been so richly blessed with, when you know this baby is your last.

When you know this baby is the last. Thoughts on being done and tubal ligation or getting your tubes tied


 

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