I know that trying to make the decision to add another baby to your family can be a hard one. Here is a short test to take to see if you are ready to make the leap from 2 to 3. While doing these test randomly say “Get off your brother”, “Give your brother his space please” and “Let him sleep” at least 100 times throughout the day.
1. Tonight at bedtime stay up at least 2 hours past the normal. Than set an alarm to wake you up every 1 1/2 – 2 hours. Wake up for a minimum of 20 minutes each time and sit in bed trying to stay awake and watching your husband sleep peacefully. In between alarms get up and take your toddler pee and comfort your 4 year old after a bad dream. At least 5 times in the night jump awake and make sure everyone is still breathing. Than at about 6 am have your toddlers wake you up for the day. Now what is your first thought when you drag yourself out of bed in the morning?
A. “I feel great! I don’t need sleep, there is enough time for that when I am dead.
B. “Must.Have.Caffeine. Now. How many hours til nap time?!”
C. “If anyone in my life dares to complain about being tired today, they better be standing far out of my reach”
2. When you climb out of bed, put on a worn pair of yoga pants or even better stretched out maternity jeans and put your greasy hair in a ponytail or messy bun. Now dump some slightly sour milk down the front of a nursing tank and throw an old sweatshirt over that. Do not apply any make up to your dark circles and no mascara is allowed. Finish the look with some cheeto hand prints on your thighs and some spills down the front of your shirt to resemble spit up. Now look in the mirror, are you Ok with looking this way for weeks, possibly months?
A. Yes I love the homeless hippy look
B. Well not really but after my lack of sleep I am too tired to honestly care
C. Absolutely not! There is no way I would ever let myself go like that!
3. Now load up your children into a minivan (If you don’t have one – borrow one, your sporty car driving days are about to be over friend!). Put your two small children in the back of the vehicle, just out of hearing range and reaching length. Find a recording of a screaming baby and place it in the middle seat. Now as you drive down the road try to hand various things to the 3 year old in the back seat, while your four year old asks you deep questions about God and than asks “what mom? What? I can’t hear you?” What do you do?
A: Keep driving, glancing in the rear view mirror, smiling at the little blessings in the back seat or get them to all join in a rousing rendition of The Wheels on the Bus.
B: Crank up the music to drown out the kids in the back seat and pull over for a diet coke and a donut…stat!
C: Pull to the side of the road bail out and take off running
4. Go to the nearest grocery store, strap an ergo to your chest with a 10 lb bag of flour in it. Put the two kids in the cart with one in the back because Winco doesn’t think anyone has more than one kid. Now try to load your groceries in the cart around your kiddos without them stepping on your produce or opening your pack of oreos. Even better try to unload your groceries from the cart without squishing the bag of flour or letting it fall out of the carrier. Than load them all in the car without any toddlers getting ran over and without hitting the “baby’s” head on any doors. When you get in the van are you…
A: Peacefull and full of smiles doling out all organic treats to your happy adorable toddlers in the back seats
B. Frantically shoving fruit snacks at your toddlers, hoping it will shut them up for a minute and trying to figure out how you didn’t notice that one wasn’t wearing shoes and the other was still in pajamas and planning your route to the nearest place is with dollar fountain pops? And wondering how it is possible to sweat so much in a rainstorm
C: Sitting on the couches in Fred Meyer browsing facebook and eating a donut, while your kids are in playland because, who really needs groceries anyways?
5. While at the grocery store and any other public place ask strangers to come up to you at random and say the following things “Man do you have your hands full”, “You sure are a busy mom” or “I am sure you are wishing for an extra set of hands about now.”. How do you respond after the 100th time?
A: “Yes I know I am so blessed” with a big smile
B: “Yep I sure do” uttered through gritted teeth
C: Hand over a kid and walk off
6. Get home and make dinner with a kid hanging on each leg and 10 lb bag of flour cradled in your arms. Finally sit down to eat, while holding one of your daughters dolls in the nursing position. Dish up the kids plates one handed, eat one handed and get up multiple times to get juice or forks for the kiddos all while “nursing” your baby. Now at the end of the meal are you…
A: Perfectly satisfied with an empty plate and a clean shirt still
B: Picking rice out of the fold of your “baby’s” neck that you dropped trying to eat with your left hand, covered in drips down your shirt and shoveling the rest of your food down an hour after everyone else is done eating and baby is finally sleeping.
C: Sitting in your bedroom crying while ordering a pizza on the phone and listening to your husband deal with the kiddos
7. Get the kids ready for bed and brush their teeth while bouncing a doll on your hip with a recording of a screaming baby playing. Try to read bedtime stories loud enough to drown out the crying. Turn off the recording and start getting ready for bed. Take the four year old pee. Brush your own teeth. Sit down and nurse your “baby”. Lay the baby in the bed and take yourself pee. Go comfort the toddler with the bad dream. Climb in bed and just as your husband snuggles up to realize you never changed the baby’s poopy diaper. Get up and grab baby while thinking…
A: “That is OK I will just wake up my husband in a hour or two to get in some lovin I have more than enough energy”
B: “Well I was really tired anyways so I kind of hope he is sleeping before baby is”
C: “I wonder what he would do if I just got in the car and left to a hotel by myself for a night, I am sure the baby would take a bottle just fine. 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep, that is what I need!
If you answered mostly A’s:
Either you are a superwoman or you are well out of the grip of reality. Either way go ahead have another, and I will be here with you to bring you a strongly caffeinated beverage when you realize you can’t do it all!
If you answered mostly B’s:
Congrats you are ready! Well at least in the opinion of this sleep deprived mom still living in the thick of it. You know how hard it will be but you also know how worth it they are! I will be there to sit with you in your chaos and laugh with you about our attempts to pull it all together.
If you answered mostly C’s:
I am not really sure how you survived your first two but they are still alive and kicking so sure, go ahead, have another. I will be there to bring you a pizza and take the kiddos while you cry in the bathtub!