Prayers for baby G #3 - Chocolate Glazed Life

Prayers for baby G #3

So I have spent the last week fretting and stewing and trying to decide if I was ready to make this public or not. But we could really use prayers and writing things out is very helpful for me.

Last week on Tuesday I had my NT ultrasound scheduled. I took my niece Hannah with me and Julio stayed home with the kids since we were expecting nothing but a routine ultrasound. Part way through the ultrasound the technician grew quieter and quieter. My back was to the screen due to weird positioning of the baby but I had a feeling something was wrong. When she was done I asked for a picture to bring home and she told me she would get one when she came in with the doctor. The doctor took a while and came in alone, by this time I was sure something was wrong but was trying to not worry Hannah needlessly.

The doctor came in and sat down and gently broke it to me what they had found. It turns out my baby has a cystic hygroma growing on the back of his/her neck. He said that there was at least a 30% possibility of a chromosome disorder but that the genetic counselor would have more information for me. At this point I was not that nervous since I know numerous people who have had false scares with down syndrome.

They quickly ushered me into the counselor’s office where I was bombarded with a lot of info. She said that she would actually say my chances were 30-50% chance of turners syndrome, which they think is most likely, or another disorder. Turners syndrome girls (it only effects females) have a great chance at a fairly normal life if they make it to term. However it has a miscarriage/stillbirth rate of 80-90 %. By this time the panic was growing but I was trying to hide it as I am not a public emotion type of girl. My head was spinning so I didn’t even think of asking many more questions. They took blood work to check for what they thought the most likely problems were and sent me on my way (after a small meltdown in front of the poor unsuspecting nurse).

I spent that night researching what turners syndrome was and trying to reassure myself with the fact that there was still a 50-70% chance my baby would be healthy and full term. However the next day I talked to the the nurse for more details and was told it was more worrisome than I originally thought. She said that with the size of the cystic hygroma and how early it was found it is usually a very poor fetal outcome for the baby, regardless of chromosome disorders or not.

So my last 7 days have been spent in worry, research and prayer. I have found that there is a lot of miracle stories with babies with my exact same diagnosis. I am just praying soon we will be putting our own miracle story up too. However there were of course a lot of cases that did not turn out so well and even more sad a lot that choose to terminate. I made it very clear to the doctor and counselor that that is not an option for us. So thankfully they never brought it up, I know a lot of women in our situation were told it was their best or only option.

My emotions this week have been all over the board and today is the first day I woke up without a cloud hanging over my head. Pair that with dealing with a head lice fiasco (that is a different post for a different day) and it has been straight out draining. Fear of the unknown as well as the fear of what I do know fills a lot of my mind. Anxiety over what this late of a loss would mean as I am 14 weeks tomorrow. Questioning if I am strong enough and have enough faith to go through any of the possible answers. Anger over my body and how much it seems to hate pregnancy. Dreading how long this pregnancy will feel worrying the whole time, but also praying I get the chance to experience a long pregnancy. I catch myself sometimes saying “if we have a baby”, instead of when. And who wants to live in that uncertainty?

We should get the results later this week or early the next and we will know more than. On a positive note we will also find out gender with this test!  They were quick to tell me that this is not an all clear even if they come back normal. They would like me to do an amnio but I am too uncertain of taking the risk.  I know we would never terminate and will carry and love this baby as long as God allows us to. I am asking for prayers over the next however many months this continues. It sounds like even if the CH clears up I am still at risk for issues until my baby is born and tested after birth. Even though I feel like my body fails me, I know my God will not! So whatever happens I know He will bring us all though it. Besides my first baby was a 10 week early miracle and my second was never expected to make it through all the first trimester bleeding. I have two miracles already, and I know God can do another! 

The sun comes up, it’s a new day dawning
It’s time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes – Matt Redman 10,000 reasons

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